I find it very difficult sometimes not to be angry or upset that the Lord took away my mother. It still feels like I’m in a dream and keep trying to wake up. The more I think about it the more sick I become. I watch my friends receive letters and care packages from their Mom’s back home, and I have to remind myself that I will never get that again. Oh, if you only knew how excited my mom was to see me go off to college. I can still her face today. It was her dream. Now here I am sitting on a couch in my dorm writing about her absence from this earth. It just seems so unreal.
Next Wednesday I will get up early in the morning to go home for the first Thanksgiving without my momma. It will be 9 months on Thanksgiving Day since the Lord took her. It amazes how comforting the Lord has been. He has been a firm rock for me to lean on. There are certainly days of frustration and heavy grief, but through it all God has been so gracious to me. I just read through the book of Job recently. What an amazing testimony Job had. He lost it all but saw proof that all his losses were bearable with the presence of God. Losing my mother is not even comparable to what Job faced, but it shows me that trials not only prove us but purify us. God even blessed Job with twice as much as he had before.
This Thanksgiving I am thankful that the Lord has allowed my family to go through this trial. Although the pain will never go away and seems unbearable at times, I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for the passing of my mother. My brother, Caleb, came to know the Lord, and many other people have received Christ as Savior because of Mom’s testimony. I’m sure that is worth it to her. I can’t wait to see her again. I sure wish she was here to talk to, but I’m thankful for a Savior who never stops caring and never forgets that I am hurting. I couldn’t do without Him. He is everything to me. Bless His name.
