My God cares

God is good. As I get older, my desire to know the Lord increases. I cannot fathom how precious I am to Him, and that despite my un-ending sinful nature,
He still loves me. My mom's death has taken such a toll on me lately. You get to the point where you start to question if people remember or not. God never
forgets, and at my lowest He reminds me He knows all about it. In the past couple of weeks, God has been sending me reminders of how much He cares for me.
Now, some may call it "coincidences" but I know it is The Lord. Recently I went out with my good friend, Adrien. We spent an entire Saturday together. That
morning I had been missing my mom more than usual. It was so hard to get out of bed, but I knew I really needed to get out of the house and enjoy myself.
So, we met up and began our day. We went to the hair salon, the mall and even made pottery. But something happened that day that I will never, ever forget.

We stopped for lunch at a place called "Hillbilly Hot Dogs." It is a hidden, West Virginian treasure! One of the neat things about this place is that you
can sign your name anywhere! There are thousands and thousands of signatures all over the place. On the floor, wall, ceiling, windows, tables, you
name it, there's a signature on it! It was unusually crowded that day too. We ordered our hot dogs and deep-fried mac and cheese, and finally found a booth
to sit at. We talked about my mom a lot, which was nice. A lot of people, bless their hearts, tend to get very uncomfortable if I bring her up, or they just
don't say anything and change the subject. I know they don't know what to say though, and I don't take any offense to it. It helped me to be able to talk
about her so freely though. As we sat there talking, I saw Adrien point to the wall at our booth. Her eyes grew big and her mouth dropped open. I turned to
look, and there written as plain as day was the name Melissa Bailey!! I know for a fact that my mom never knew that place existed, and it wasn't even close
to her handwriting! You can't tell me that the God who SPOKE the world into existence couldn't reach down from Heaven and put the name there just for me!!!
I just can't get over it!

There has been numerous other things happen as well. Just last week at the thrift store where I work one of my co-workers came to the back room where I sort
donations. She was telling me how they have a big stack of newspapers by the cash register to wrap any fragile items customers purchase. She happened to look
down at one of the pieces of newspaper, and the first thing she saw was my mom's obituary. She brought it to me just in shock that out of the whole stack she
saw that! God pays attention to us, and He knows how bad we hurt. Just think of the hurt He felt on the cross. We cannot even begin to imagine. Whether I see
a butterfly or my mom's favorite Disney character, it is a reminder to me that God loves me. "How precious are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the
sum of them!" Today I have written this so one day I can look back and remember what God has done for me. He is so good, and I praise Him for carrying me
through this trial. He never gets tired of me asking for help. I am so thankful He saved me, and that I will get to see my precious Mother again one day.
What a day that will be!!

The God of all comfort

Lately I have found myself getting so frustrated with the way I’m feeling. I am already tired of feeling so sad and crying all the time. I just want to be okay again, and not feel so empty. Then I have to sit back and remind myself that it has only been a little over 4 months since Mom died. It is still so fresh. My whole thought process just goes from one extreme to the other. I thought I would just be as transparent as I can with you today. Here are just a few of the thoughts that flood my head every second of every day:

- She is dead?
- I don’t have a Mother.
- Okay, this has really happened.
- Wait, she’s never coming back.
- God please help me.
- I have one parent.
- She is missing out on my life. My future.
- Who am I supposed to call when I have boyfriend problems, or I need to cry because a friend hurt me?
- Who is going to tell me what medicine to take when I’m sick? I need my mom.
- Lord please help me. I need Your help.
- I miss her so much.
- Poor Dad. I hate this so much for him.
- Caleb is only 17, and has to deal with this.
- What about my wedding?
- I wish I could stop crying.
- Lean on the Lord Kayla.
- I wish I could talk to her.
- I miss playing Yahtzee with her.
- If I could just hug her one more time.

Each day I miss my mom more and more. The realization that she is dead becomes more real every day. Sometimes I will cry so much that all I can do is throw up. I will tell you that it is not all bad though. Not only does my longing to have her here with me increase every day, but I also love and appreciate her more. I never knew how truly great of a woman she was, and how many lives she affected. Over 1,000 people attended her funeral. There will never be anyone as caring and loving as she was. She always put everyone before herself. Even on her death bed she asked about other people back home to make sure they were okay. It just amazes me. She is my hero. One dear lady I was talking with this week said this, “Kayla, the torch has been passed off to you.” I have never thought of it that way. I hope that I will make my mom proud. I have not been leaning on the Lord like I should through this trail. How can the Lord use me when I am not leaning solely on Him? I can’t even begin to imagine the grief that my Lord experienced on the cross. I will see my mom again one day, and be able to spend all of eternity with her. There are some days that doesn’t seem comforting because of my flesh. My frustration gets in the way, and all I think about is me, me and me. But I have a Heavenly Father who is the God of ALL COMFORT. Psalm 94:19, “In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.” Even though every thought is laced around my mother, when I begin to think and dwell on the things of the Lord I can’t help but be comforted. God is good. I fail so much, but He is always there ready to mend my broken and hurting heart.

Today I have shared some of my innermost thoughts with you. I hope that it has helped you in some way, and I ask that you pray for me. I desire to be everything God has created me to be, and to follow Him down the path He has prepared for me. May my precious Mother’s testimony live on forever.