Just a few short weeks ago I packed up my car and headed back here to Tennessee for college. It was quite a mixture of emotions as I drove down the interstate. Thoughts ran through my head such as:
- I really feel guilty for leaving my dad. I want to physically be there for him during this time.
- I know this is what God wants for me though.
- I’m excited to get back and be just a normal student.
- I hope people don’t treat me different. I know it’s only been 6 months, but God has helped me.
- I think I might’ve brought too much stuff.
- Lord, please save me a bottom bunk.
- I really wish Mom was here to go down with me, and help me get settled in. I wonder if she’s watching me.
- Don’t cry Kayla. Don’t ruin your make-up.
- I hope Dad will be okay. Lord, please help him.
As I made my journey that day and as so many thoughts flooded my head, I couldn’t help but thank the Lord for what He has done in my life. I have not forgotten, nor will ever forget my precious Mother but God has given me so much grace that I would’ve never understood if I hadn’t gone through this trial. Many of you know how much my mom loved butterflies. I lost track of how many I saw throughout the day as I was driving. Its little things that the Lord does that makes my eyes well up with tears. He really does care for me so much.
Getting settled back in to school I was overwhelmed at how sincere and kind everyone was. People kept asking how I made it through last semester, and how my summer went. The only thing I could tell them was that it was the Lord. Looking back on all the running back and forth to Cleveland, OH, trying to catch up and keep up with school work, meeting new people, losing my mom, coming back to school after her funeral and finishing a whole semester with passing grades, it had to be the Lord! There is no way I could’ve gotten through one single day without Him. Even if I tried I was completely miserable.
I believe what I’m trying to say is that I just really love the Lord. He knows my heart, and my desire to follow Him. Some days are almost unbearable when I pick up the phone to call Mom and realize I can’t. Not a day goes by that I don’t cry and get sick over the fact that she isn’t here. Every thought is laced around her. BUT God has carried me, and I know he will continue to do so. He dries my tears and fills my heart with gladness. Aren’t you glad that in our weakness His strength is perfect? “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” II Corinthians 12:9. So today I just want to thank and praise the Lord for what He has done for me this year. He is my best friend.
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